Originally, this post was titled Stuck In The Past. But I feel that Moving On is a better and more optimistic title. Throughout my spiritual journey, a lot of changes have been made in my life. I am more knowledgeable not only about myself but also of what I want for myself, my family, career and future. But there has always been one thing holding me back from progressing further.
I have been holding on to some anger regarding my childhood. It is not a lot of anger but enough to keep the cycle going and stop me from moving forward in my life. I have to get rid of it. The worse part about this is I have known for awhile that I need to get rid of it but have not made any effort.
I have been playing around with the idea of performing a ritual to help with this endeavor. The problem is, I keep putting it off. It is going to bring up some things, emotions that are bottled up inside. Even though I know this is a good thing there is a part of me that is screaming “No, don’t go there.” I have decided that I am going to ignore that little voice.
In the previous post, Dreams of Mom, I stated that “something is getting ready to change in my life”. This is that change and it was not what I expected. I thought it was something in my life, outside of myself, that was going to change. But it turns out that I am the one that has to do some changing. And of course, I am stuck.
This weekend I will be working on structuring a ritual to help move things along. I have not chosen a day or time when I will perform the ritual. I figured I should actually write it up first and make sure I have everything I need and then choose the day and time.
For the past two nights, my mom has been popping up in my dreams. Usually, when this happens, it means that something is getting ready to change in my life. The good thing is, when I dream about her it has always been a needed change – nothing bad. But I cannot figure out what the change could be. Every thing has been stable in my life.
Making a list of some of the things regarding my path that I wanted to get done over the weekend, the Holy Calendar was the first thing on my list. I spent more time on it than I wanted to but ended up constructing something that leaves me enough room to do some tweaking later, if necessary.
Besides Japa, which will continue to be done daily, Mahashivaratri and Pradosh Vrat days have been added for Siva. All of the original feast/holy days for Bast have remained the same.
Originally planning to concentrate on Samael and Lilith, I have been “moved” in a different direction. Agerath, Na’amah and Eisheth Zenunim have now been added, which is only right – Samael and all His wives.
The Holy Calendar is here.
If we stand tall it is because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors.